Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Can Someone Help Me Put On My Socks?

...because I sure as hell can't reach all the way down there.

Godammit.

Welcome to 931 Judah, a.k.a. "Intensive Care". In this corner we have a hurt child, crying like a school girl, moaning in pain, asking for help to do the simplest of tasks. And in the other there's Liam, arm in a cast from bicep to hand, laughing and running around as if nothing was wrong. I swear, the kid had a few drops of Tylenol on day 2 and he was fine. Me...I'm popping Vicodin and Motrin like they're Pez candies.

I'm broken, again. Out for the season. Back is jacked. I don't need a doctor to tell me I've herniated my L4/L5 disc again. I didn't even DO anything, I just woke up the day after some mild on-the bike jumps and....oh god, not again...


I'm an idiot. Last year was great, 4 months of Pilates leading up to CX and I felt like a lithe 30-yr-old. This year, a couple of lame-ass core exercises on the ball per week and 8 weeks of decent training, and for some reason I expected to feel the same. Hell, I gotta stop acting like a kid.

But damn, I was pumped. Here was the announcement I wanted to make this week:
"Santa Cruz Bicycles/Art By Opsal Cyclocross Team for 2007-2008

Riders Rich "Dark God" Maile and yours truly will be out kicking bootie on the new Santa Cruz Stigmata on CX course near you
...
Rich: "these bikes are punk rock, man, PUNK ROCK!"
Me: "ya...we'll be having strawberries for brunch every Sunday"
...
Sponsors: Santa Cruz Bicycles/Art By Opsal/Shimano/Giro/Crank Brothers/Paul Components/True Temper
But it's ok, because Rich is a one-man wrecking crew, he doesn't need me anyhow. But sweet Jesus, Ferrentino at SCB really went out on a limb for us lining up some great sponsors. Seriously, I had to pinch myself every 8 hours to make sure I wasn't dreaming I was a 26-yr-old spring chicken w/ a phat contract.

Big thanks to Mike F - that was the hardest "no thanks" I ever had to cough up.

And now...on the sidelines. Actually there's plenty to do - I was seriously in the dog-house for even contemplating another season with 2 kids under 5 and Frances working hard as a full-time mom and trying to record the 2nd CD.

I'm in a bit of pain, and I can't sit upright very long. I can't walk very far. Most of my work is done on the laptop laying on my stomach and then rolling over to my back for a few minutes. Getting up is annoyingly difficult. Sneezing is the most unbearable agony and something I dread more than anything else. Experience tells me I'll feel this way for about 2 weeks, then very slowly start to improve.

...but seriously, the hardest thing I have to do every day is put on my goddamn socks.

13 comments:

velogirl said...

my father had RA and a big belly (from the steroids). he had this little thing on a pole that would grab his socks so he could pull them on. I'm not describing it very well, but it helped.

hey, if you decide to make a comeback, John, maybe you should just train year-round so you don't have to go through this again.

Grey said...

Teh Suck.

I'm disappointed to hear you won't be racing, John. Although it means I'll place 1 placing higher in 35+ races, I'd rather have the competition from someone who puts a lot of energy in local CX.

Sounds like your sons compare well to the folks commenting on the NCNCA CX blog--I don't envy your task of playing hall monitor over there.

Heal well.

Nome Agusta said...

Who is Opsal?

Todd said...

Ouch, I feel for you. I have an L4/L5 annular tear that I'm healing up from right now, so your story rings way too true for me. My injury occurred somewhere as I was cooling down from the Pescadero RR and the first month was hell...just got on the bike for the first time on Saturday and was pain free. But probably will be another month before I'm 100% healed. Rest up and keep a positive attitude!

lauren said...

bummer! heal soon.

Morgan said...

John, as another dad and the same age (39 this August) I can totally relate, and commiserate and I am so bummed you'll be out of the races and not scattering holy blood from your stigmata wounds all over the competition. And I'm sorry I called you Hans. I'll call him John for a while. Get better soon. Enjoy your extra time with the kids.

docketrocket said...

Sorry you're hurt, man. You'll bounce back, though, I know it. I've been there on the back pain, I know what you're feeling. I've got a great chiro to recommend if you need it.

-- Chris Rocket / Freehweel/Hunter
docketrocket@hotmail.com

isaiasjob said...

Funkster! Oh man, I didn't know you hurt yourself. That sucks donkey b*llz. I'm sorry to hear it. You should still pat yourself on the back for being selected to such an elite sponsorship deal with SantaCruz, et al! That's awesome.

I'm going to be a wise man and learn from other people's mistakes. Your injury was not in vain. You've touched me to the inner sacrum and now I'll keep it protected with core work ;-)

godspeed to recovery!

funkdaddy said...

vg - good news, i can now reach my feet but i thought i'd need one of those doohickey's before this week. oh, i need to do pilates year-round (and i will...once i can) and NOT ride a bike, which seems to do nothing in the way of keeping my back healthy.

nome - opsal = Brian Opsal - see artbyopsal.com - long-time supporter of cx in NorCal

isais - inner sacrum...that's awesome...

Cyclocross Mag said...

boy, that sucks john. i can relate to the body aging and the mind not wanting to accept it.

last year I did yoga pre-season, this year I fractured my knee and didn't do much. hope I'm not leading up to the same story...

Anonymous said...

Sorry Funke. I feel your pain. Well I hope I don't again. Good luck with that rehab. You will bounce back, but you might have to convert to roadyism like me.... It is in your blood aleready so it will not be as hard as it was for me. ;-)

take care and good luck,
steve r

funkdaddy said...

if i ever convert back to roadyism, i hope it will be as hard as it was for you, steve...must be difficult winning all those races ;-)

velogirl said...

hey! I've been thinking about you. any updates? can you put your socks on yet?